"I cannot do this!" v.s "You cannot do this, yet"
“Your intelligence is something about you that you can’t change very much.”
Do you agree?
Your answer to the above statement can offer some hints whether you are likely to have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. A disagreement to it is considered a precursor of a growth mindset, because it shows an individual will more likely challenge him/herself to improve and change his/her intelligence.
Back to your child, what do you think or feel whenever your child tells you "I can't do it. It's too difficult. I cannot."?
Do you feel that your child's mindset needs some changes? What can we do to help him/her?
This is linked to the term "growth mindset" that you may have heard of in recent years on various podcasts or news. But what is it and how can you use it to yours and your child's benefits? A growth mindset means believing that you can improve your abilities and successes when you put in effort, continue to learn and be resistant to failures. Having a growth mindset is important when one encounters new challenges: As an adult, when we have a change of career or are trying out a new activity, and for children, when they are trying to pick up a new skill such as completing a physical obstacle course.
"With another few more practices, I can complete the obstacle course at one go!"
"I'm going to use single leg and hop to complete the obstacle course!"
"Let me try to start from the other side of the obstacle course!"
On the other hand, people with a fixed mindset tend to attribute capabilities to intelligence thinking that human qualities are carved in stone: You are either smart or you are not. You fail because you are not smart[1]. In addition, they would think that no amount of hard work can make them smarter or lead them to success. Yes people may start with different temperaments and aptitudes (natural ability), but it is clear that experience, training and personal effort take them the rest of the way![1]
Children and growth mindset
Children (0- to 8-year-old) are still in brain formative stage[2] and hence a good time to expose them to more experiences. During these exposures, moulding them to have a growth mindset can enable them to take on challenges willingly and daringly. Children's desire to learn itself is a form of growth mindset! To couple it with resilience (accepting failures and trying again), children can improve and succeed better in tasks and life goals later.
Despite the above, cultivating a growth mindset is still possible through adulthood. It is only described to be easier to set in children due to the social environments and encouragements that adults give (and them accepting naturally without resistance).
People can have a mix of growth and fixed mindsets that is continuously changing, but most tend to lean towards one. But the message is: You can change your mindset. We can do it together too!
Tips To Consider
It is first important for parents like yourself to have a growth mindset to inculcate the same mindset in your child. This provides benefits for your child's confidence and believe in themselves[3] (remember: building a child's self-esteem!).
Growth mindset can be nurtured with the help of parents, guardians and educators who can set a learning place for children to dare to try, not afraid of making mistakes and receive constructive feedback from others who believe in them[4]. Remember our post on intrinsic motivation? An individual's social and environment factors can influence his/her psychological needs support, thereby affecting their intrinsic motivation to learn! Nurturing a growth mindset is also about the socio-environmental factors - you can change mindsets!
Changing the way we phrase our words can be influential in how children see themselves, thereby setting them towards a growth mindset. Providing them with constructive criticism helps them not to judge or label themselves and not be guilty for who they are. At the same time, it helps them understand how to fix something.
Instead of: "What kind of homework is this?! You are either stupid or not putting in enough effort!"
Try: "I understand that the homework is boring, I feel you. Can we think of some ways to make it more interesting so that we can do a good job out of it?"
Encouraging them to take on new strategies when the current one is not working. This, then, is growth mindset - willingness to try new ways instead of hanging on to what's ineffective. It is important to note that the 'effort' in growth mindset includes the process (hard work, trying new strategies, and seeking input from others). Use praises focused on their strategies, effort or choices. Never focus on the outcome, e.g. "You're such a smart boy to pick up the concept so quickly!"
It is also crucial to not praise when 'effort' is not really there and it should be tied to the outcome.
For example, "Great job trying another way to solve this puzzle!" instead of "Great job on trying (the same method) to solve this puzzle repeatedly!"
Respond to your child's mistakes and failures as opportunities for learning instead of seeing them as a concern over your child's abilities. For example, "Is there something that you don't understand? As such, you're not able to respond to the question accurately? Would you like me to go through with you?"
Help them expand their skills and knowledge as goals!
What Experts Say?
We Say....
[1] Dweck (2016)
[2] Siegel (2012)
[4] OECD (2018)