"I need to call your school tomorrow, to understand why the dictation for next week is so long."
"I will pick you right after school, we will go to the new tuition centre before your piano class."
"This project seems difficult, I know you're tired from school, I will complete it for you."
What Expert Says?
Tiger mum & Panda dad, overly-compassionate mum & stern dad, helicopter parenting, gentle parenting - these are some of the many terms used today to describe how parents teach their children. Theories show that parenting styles can be broadly divided into four main types: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive[1] and neglectful / uninvolved[2]:
Image taken from verywellfamily.com (2022)
Authoritarian
Authoritarian parents are extremely strict. They expect their children to follow their rules with no discussion or compromise.
E.g. "I will pick you right after school, we will go to the new tuition centre before your piano class."
Authoritative
This group of parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children.
E.g. "I know you don't like to clean up the toys. Thank you for doing it."
Permissive
They are nurturing and warm to their children, but they do not (refuse to) set limits.
E.g. "This project seems difficult, I know you're tired from school, I will complete it for you."
Neglectful / Uninvolved
Neglectful parents do not respond to their child's needs or desires other than providing them their necessities (food, clothing, and shelter).
E.g. "I am busy, I don't know what you're talking about. Just do and what you think you need."
Research has shown that one's self-esteem is closely related to how they are brought up (their parents' parenting styles). Let's take a further look.
Self-esteem is how much we value and see ourselves. If we value ourselves more, we will feel better about ourselves. Studies have shown that those with higher self-esteem would be more willing to try new things and can face failures better. They will keep trying! Thus, having self-esteem helps children do better at school and have better learning and social outcomes![3]
If so, what can local research tell us about parenting styles on children's self-esteem?
The use of Chinese guan (管) style by fathers appears to be a predictor of self-esteem in adulthood - when fathers take on stronger guan (管) in their children's growing years, they grow to have higher self-esteem later (Ang & Sin, 2021).
Possible appearance of a fifth parenting style, filial parenting, in Singaporean Chinese families. Filial parenting refers to the almost unconditional love and care of both parents towards their one or two children. This form of parenting is observed due to the nature of lesser children and increased love and expectations towards each child. The adoption of this parenting style brings out children of lower self-esteem (Foo, 2021).
Father's authoritarian parenting style has a negative relationship with self-esteem. Fathers and mothers who practise authoritative parenting style would boost their children's self-esteem (Yeo, 2015)
These papers conducted in Singapore can help us understand a little more on how parenting style can influence one's self-esteem. While the findings share and influence, they are not representative of the entire population. Hence they should be taken as a reference for us to be more mindful and aware of our actions / behaviours that can affect our next generation.
Tips To Consider
We Say....
[1] Baumrind (1971)
[3] KidsHealth (2018)