Truth is, time is always insufficient - the weekdays are filled with work and school routines, and by the time we are home at night, we face more routines like homework, washing up, catching up on work and the day ends. Weekends may be better, but they are also time for rest and recharge. We want to make it a fulfilling time with our family and friends that we plan back-to-back activities or gatherings. Sometimes I feel that my weekends are more tiring than my workdays!
Weekends are like the classified bonding time, but what can we do to make the most out of our time during weekdays? What I mean here is, how can I still bond with my family or kids during those few hours between knock-off time and before putting my children to bed?
Our Little Tips to Maximise Time
First, understand each others' feelings.
During school pickup or time over dinner, have conversations on how you (and your child) felt during the day with minimum judgement. If this is something new for you and your child, I would suggest going first at it. Pick out a situation that happened during the day, be it good or bad and share it with your child in a way that he/she can apprehend. Talk about how you felt and how you dealt with it. Or, ask your child how he/she would handle it. You will be surprised by their answers! Having such conversations allows your child to understand you better as a person, and also learn from your situations so that they can use it in the future! After your turn, encourage your child to share about their day. If they may be unsure of what to talk about, give some guides such as if his/her friend turned up in school, or if anything interesting happened in Science class today.
Recognise that good and bad feelings are all valid and real. Amplify the good ones and for those that are bad - discuss about how we can manage and face those negative feelings. Allow your child to give you suggestions on how you can handle your issues. If possible, do take their suggestions into consideration and get back to them if you ever tried it ("You know you told me to talk to my colleague in a nicer manner last week? I tried it this morning and it was great, I think we communicated better!"). It'll be a wah-bah-boom effect, we promise!
Second, focus on strengths.
Interestingly, we tend to be louder on weaknesses. That it, we amplify what we or others do bad at more, than we talk about the good. For example, we may emphasise a lot on how the other party can improve or do better. And we forget how they have improved from the previous time. As such, we tend to feel guilty and lousy from others' comments on us. Try to take a shift at it and make the strengths big and celebrate them!
Third, listen more, and deeply.
Following from the first point, ultimately, we want to cultivate a relationship that allows you to find out more about what your child thinks. And this can be done through his/her words and the tonality that they use to bring across their ideas. Are they lining themselves when they speak to you, or are they able to speak freely while knowing that they're not judged? But while speaking freely, are they being respectful or are their attitudes negative?
Lastly, talk and share about perspectives.
While we can be clear and firm with our views, it is important to know how others think too. Our children are not us and through their own journey in life and experiences, their views may differ from us as parents. Embracing that each family member is an individual unit allows you to accept differences better too. By knowing and understanding their perspectives, we can guide them better in life and be more aligned as a family!
We Say....
[1]